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I lost 3 lbs. this week. Doesn't seem like a lot after last week's loss but 1-2 lbs. a week is considered healthy. Weight that takes time to lose is usually because you are doing it the healthy way and you are also more likely to keep it off.

It was a beautiful day yesterday for walks with my kids, playing soccer, and some croquet. Take advantage of the Spring weather before it becomes uncomfortably hot later in the year. If you have children you'll be helping them create memorable times together and get them in the habit of being physically active. It's much easier to have a healthy adult lifestyle if that is how you were raised.

Today I am taking my kids up to the foothills after lunch. I don't know that I can keep up with them but hey, I'll be lapping everyone on the couch! The kids are excited to go out and that excitement is contagious. Originally we were going to go up to the mountains today (I live in Idaho) but we decided it was still a little too chilly there to really enjoy. The kids are helping me pack backpacks with apples, almonds, and water. It's going to be a great day!

Breaking a Sweat

On Monday I finally began doing cardio. Exercising is a key component to losing weight. There are many benefits of breaking a sweat both physically and mentally; better heart health, stronger and leaner bodies, and one of my favorite side effects: endorphins.

Endorphins are a natural "high" your body creates which lower anxiety and can lower pain levels. Doctors compare endorphins to opiates. As a woman who has struggled with depression and anxiety for many years, endorphins are one natural way to temporarily relieve some of that.

Although actually getting on my elliptical sometimes takes some convincing, once I have been on it for awhile I tend to feel a surge of good feelings (those are the endorphins). I will be sweating profusely and tired and then gradually I feel exceptional. Pretty cool right? This feeling prevents me from jumping off the elliptical before my work out is done.

My elliptical work outs this week tend to be a minimum of 30 minutes and at least 300 calories burned. Some days it takes me a few extra minutes to reach that 300 mark and I have been pushing myself to make sure I don't cut myself short.

Another thing to keep in mind when doing cardio is that if you aren't sweating, you probably aren't maximizing the time you are spending on it. If you are using the elliptical, make sure you aren't just doing a flat course. Your muscles will benefit from varying your incline. You also won't feel so bored mentally which is a big plus.

I may have only been doing cardio for the past 4 days but I am so proud of myself. That's 4 days more then I did last year! I was really dreading doing it knowing how hard it would be but I am doing it anyway.

Weight gain

This morning I had a temporary panic attack when I stepped on the scale and had gained a pound over night. When you are trying so hard to lose weight, especially the healthy way, an increase in weight can be devastating.

I checked my calorie counter yesterday first. I knew I hadn't eaten 3,500 extra calories in one day (approximately 3,500 calories = 1 lb.) but I had to really look at it for that to sink in. I had consumed less than 1,100 yesterday. My average is 1,200 although I calculate in for 1,800.

Next I checked my carb intake. Yesterday was actually less than the several days previous.

The final "food" culprit I checked was my sodium intake. Sure enough, I had consumed more sodium than I had in the last week. Although I had used "less sodium" brand of sauce, it was still more than my body was use to. Sodium is important to keep in a diet, our bodies need sodium, but a large increase can cause temporary increases in water weight.

Other possible reasons for the number on the scale going up include not drinking enough water and in increase in physical activity.

Yesterday I played croquet with my family outside and went for a brief walk. Although this was not strenuous activity, it's likely I didn't drink enough water to balance even the slight increase in movement.

So although it's true that the scale number went up this morning, I know that I didn't gain any fat. My increase is probably due to a temporary increase in water retention.

To combat this gain, I am drinking plenty of fluids, especially since I started doing cardio today.

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I am so happy to have lost 11 lbs. since last Saturday! This new way of eating is really working for me. I have lots of energy, motivation, and great results!

I realize it's likely the weight loss will slow down as I continue forward but the jump start  has me excited about the entire journey. A strong start just helps so much with the mentality. I know I am going to be successful.

As I begin working out, I may begin dropping inches faster than pounds. And that is totally ok with me!

For someone who you use to love being in the gym, I have to admit that I am not at all excited about going back. I know it's important and will get easier as I get into the swing of things but right now I have a lot of negative feelings about it. Mainly that frustration comes from knowing how much harder it will be to use my muscles again after so long.

I went bowling earlier today and though it may not be a cardio activity, it was fun and warmed my body up to being more active. By the way, I am a horrible bowler but it was so much fun!

I'm also very excited about having my elliptical machine back. Yay!

Today is such a positive day and I look forward to more personal victories in the future!

Small Steps

Yesterday I purchased a pair of ankle weights from Walmart. Each weight has individual sand packs in them equal up to 5lbs. I actually ended up only leaving in 2 pouches each to start.

I strapped the weights on yesterday and today while I went around doing normal household activities. They are going to be great for adding into my walks as well.

The ankle weights will make my legs stronger and more toned. Because I am starting off so slowly back into the world of exercising this is important to me. I really like the idea of burning a few extra calories just going about my every day activities.


While watching tv I can raise my legs from a sitting position and also occasionally get down on the floor and dew a few reps of 25 each while lying along my sides. During commercials I can walk in place or walk up and down my stairs. It's these small steps that will help prevent me from injuring myself by doing too much too soon.

Something else I'm excited about it that I am getting my elliptical back from my brother! I lived in a smaller house for the last few years so he has generously stored it for me. Now that I live in a big home, I am making room for it again.

I actually find that I do better if I go to a gym vs having gym equipment at home. I tend to procrastinate thinking I can always get on the elliptical "later." However, I like having the option there, especially if I can't find time to leave the house or when the weather is bad. This will really come in handy if I am having a high anxiety day too.

It's all these small steps in the right direction that are going to help me reach my goal of a new healthy lifestyle.

The Mediterranean Diet

I hate the word diet because it inevitably sounds like you are restricting yourself. But lets be honest, I need some restraint. I am use to cooking with heavy cream and pastas and drinking wine and coffee with a lot of creamer. I needed a clear path to follow to break me of my bad habits.

My doctor recommended the Mediterranean diet to me. What I love about the Mediterranean diet is it includes lots of veggies and thankfully I am a large fan of vegetables. Whole grains are encouraged in moderation and so are fruit and lean meats. Fish is a big part of the diet but right now just the thought of fish gags me. I have never liked fish. I'll give a few recipes a shot as I try to turn this new leaf but it does not sound appetizing to me at all.

Although both wine and espresso are allowed on the Mediterranean diet, I have personally decided to cut those out of my diet. I noticed I wasn't feeling my best when consuming alcohol or caffeine.

I try to sneak in lots of vegetables to fill up on and am eating more protein. I am so much less bloated and never feel like I over ate. Actually taking the time to measure out my ingredients and record them on my calorie tracker is helping me the most as I have always had a problem with portion control. It's a little tedious but the way I physically feel makes it worth it.

I know it's cheesy to say it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change, but I really believe it. And is it really a diet if you aren't hungry? Because I have honestly not felt hungry at all since I began the Mediterranean diet. So I'm not hungry and I am losing weight AND the things I am putting in my body are better for it. I am absolutely sold on eating this way for life.

240 Pounds

Saturday morning I got up and weighed myself. 240 lbs. I got off the scale and got back on praying it was a mistake. It wasn't.

At 5'3" and 240 lbs. I was mortified. I have so much weight to lose. So much. And I was going to start that day.

So I did.

I started off with a calorie counter on my laptop. I have never counted calories before in my life so this seemed like a daunting task. Thankfully, the program is very simple. I put in my height and weight and it gave me a recommended daily caloric intake to lose one pound a week. A single pound a week? This was going to take forever! I adjusted my target from 2027 calories a day to 1800. Not a large difference, but I needed to be reasonable.

The first day I blew my 1800 calorie goal and instead fell just shy of 2000. My down fall was coconut shrimp. If I had simply cut my serving in half I would have been fine. But this was day one and I could do better.

Day two I did much better. I was actually well below my 1800 calorie goal. Day three I kept on track and ended just below my goal and went for a brisk walk.

Today is Day 4.

I started off this morning with a glass of water before I ate breakfast. I've discovered that if I drink 8oz. of water before and immediately after a meal, I feel more full and it clearly marks for me the beginning and end of a meal.

I've already lost some weight but I want to wait until Saturday, the one week mark, before I post an updated weight. I don't know how much of it is water weight, etc and worry that if I toss a number up today that it will feel like less of an accomplishment if I don't continue to lose as fast as the week progresses.

This may only be my fourth day in to my entire lifestyle change but I am really proud of how well I have done the past few days. I haven't skipped any meals (something I was frequently doing before) and I tried my first ever turkey burger...which was amazing! I was sure it would be dry and lack flavor but it was so juicy and tasty!

I purchased the turkey patty already formed and seasoned. I cooked it in my George Foreman grill and it only took 5 minutes or less. Instead of a bun, I wrapped the patty in a large lettuce leaf, combined with a few sliced mushrooms, grated carrot, and about 1/2 tsp. of honey mustard. Yum!

I am feeling positive and am looking forward to a walk this evening with my husband. It might not be a full blown work out but at least I am making an effort to move my body and I do plan on getting in the gym eventually. Right now I feel like this is what I can handle and hopefully by not doing everything all at once, I won't feel burned out.

I Am A Big Girl

Fat. Blimp. Chunk. Chubby. Whale. Obese. Lazy. Ugly. These are all words people who don't know me use to describe because I am indeed a Big Girl.

I never had a problem with my weight growing up. I ate whatever I wanted through my teens and never gained weight. I was physically active but never belonged to a team sport.
In my twenties I went through 3 pregnancies and gained 50-60 lbs. with all three of my children. I was able to easily get back in shape after giving birth by breast feeding, walking, and saying no to seconds at dinner.

In 2010 I began going through a divorce and had very high anxiety and ate very little. For a while I dipped below the 100 pound mark. During that time, people would call me toothpick, twig, skeleton, and constantly tell me how tiny I was and that I needed to "eat a sandwich."

A year later, I began an intense work out routine. To battle my depression I was at the gym for a couple of hours a day. I began taking in healthy calories and gained muscle, and weight. I looked and felt sensational.

So what happened? How did I go from that girl to the Big Girl I am today?

A lot.

I developed bad habits. I began drinking alcohol and coffee and soda. I got married and gave up my gym time for time with my new husband. Not use to having to worry about what I ate, I just put whatever sounded good on my plate. And then would go back for more.

I also faced several health problems. I suffered from depression, ptsd from my previous marriage, and hormonal imbalance. This not only led to medications but also to emotional eating.

Now 3 years later, in 2015, I find myself 100 pounds over weight. One. Hundred. Pounds.

It's embarrassing. It's depressing and unhealthy and ugly. I rarely go out because I feel like people are staring at me, judging me...which are things I do to myself. I've had comments from essentially everyone I know about how attractive I USE to be, about the latest diet trend I should try, or worse. I hide in my house a lot and away from family and friends where I won't be seen.

I've known for a long time that I needed to do something about my weight problem but I was really good at excuses. I wasn't ready to change.

But now I am.

You know it's funny, I've heard the saying "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it" over and over again. But recently it meant something new to me. I realized I am a big girl. In both size and attitude. And I am ready to deal with it.

So here I am today. Ready. Determined. And publicly documenting my weight loss journey. What better way to be held accountable than sharing it with the world? I can't even go to the grocery store with out feeling ashamed and now I am going to blog about my weight? Omg! Breathe. I am a big girl and I can do this!!